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Dispelling the myth that “writing is not the right way to discuss XYZ”
Because of written communication’s potent potential for reflection, accountability, creativity and efficiency, I think it’s rather magical. In this article, my intention is to debunk some myths about writing and explain why written communication is actually extremely effective – if not more effective – at building sustainable working relationships, resolving issues gently, and also managing agreements and tasks clearly with others in a shared venture. In the style of discourse, below are some of the typical reasons I hear written communication is undesirable, followed with my take on these topics.
“Written communication is impersonal”
What, exactly, is meant by “impersonal”? That written communication doesn’t provide smiles, laughter, furrowed brows, or immediate feedback? In that case, what we’re really talking about is the lack of social cues. But why is that a deficiency, rather than an opportunity?
It’s true that in spoken communication, we have a whole host of undertones, implications, and natural mirroring added to the mix through the speakers’ energy, body language and vocal intonations. While there is some debate about “how much” of human communication is verbal vs. non-verbal, it’s safe to say that the “personal” elements of spoken communication are evolutionarily designed to build rapport, which makes them feel “good.” It’s also safe to say, though, that these social cues are always subject to interpretation, which does not necessarily promote actionable, practical comprehension. While human brains and bodies are wired for connection, how “personal” can an exchange truly be if concrete, mutual understanding is imagined or interpreted as such, rather than explicitly and consensually agreed upon?
This is where words are absolutely crucial in building agreements that foster authentic relationships and cooperation. While some argue that written communication lacks the personal touch of a “real” conversation, I have found that written communications provide the clarity, accountability and action-orientation that are ultimately more important in maintaining personal connection over time, especially in a collaborative project setting.
Accountability and action are the keys to meaningful connection
When you write it down, something about it becomes “real” – you can work with it. Written communication is inherently more precise. That precision allows for shared clarity and accountability, which builds trust.
When a project has been outlined, understood, and agreed upon by both parties in writing, we have the “brass tax” of what we want to accomplish together. Specific items can be referenced with immediate comprehension. Without the discrepancies of spoken communication, parties can be held accountable and collaborate unambiguously towards a common vision more easily.
Of course, even in written agreements, people sometimes drop the ball. But when that happens, if you have project communications and documentation in writing, at least it is clear what’s happening (or not happening) so the issue is easier to name, diagnose and resolve. This can serve to strengthen the personal bonds in a working relationship, rather than weaken them.
When we have clarity and accountability, we set the stage for play. The magic of teamwork and camaraderie naturally builds and propels the project forward, and it becomes fun to “get sh*t done”: to pass the baton back and forth until we reach the finish line.
Action, rather than words, becomes the key building block of personal connection, establishing an embodied sense of another being’s personal investment in the same goal. This experience is deeply gratifying – and dare I say, more gratifying – than when someone simply says they agree or that they want the same things as you in conversation.
Creating a feeling of personal connection to the project goals and to each other as teammates is an act of choice, intention, and practice – not an inherent benefit to communicating verbally. Writing opens a portable portal to the spellbinding power of connection, accessible at anytime.
“It’s easier to misunderstand written words”
Misunderstanding is not an inherent problem with writing. Think about the great works of literature that have interwoven threads of humanity across cultures and millennia, the written letters and agreements that have withstood wars and brought peace, the publication of ideas that have inspired millions of people despite incredible disparities of time, space and situation!
The interesting thing about this myth is that the written word is subject to the reader’s interpretations and projections just as much as spoken words are subject to the interpretations and projections of the listener. Through our human filters of experience, we may perceive things to be amiss, hear a tone that sounds harsh, understand a word to mean something different than what was intended. Oftentimes people don’t ask for clarification or process their own emotional reactions before responding, leading to confusion, hurt feelings and disconnection.
This is equally true for both writing and speaking, and while you might argue the non-verbal cues that come with spoken communication can help to de-escalate heightened emotions, you can also make the argument that they do the exact opposite, leading to more explosive conflict or forcing it down underneath the surface.
The power of time in facilitating creative exchanges
More often than not, humans want and try to get along. If you stop and watch, we do all kinds of things to keep peace rather than cause a disturbance. Relationships are key to human survival, so whether we’re consciously aware of it or not, we do a lot of “work” to co-regulate and maintain harmonic (or at least stable) relationships, especially through non-verbal communication when we speak together or share physical space. This can make spoken, real-time communication more energy-intensive in some situations, and it can also pressure participants into quick responses, rather than feeling and thinking through issues and asking clarifying questions.
Unlike real-time conversations, in written communication, both parties can take more space and time to breathe between exchanges. This is especially important when a conversation is tense or difficult, or when coming to an agreement. As described at the beginning of this article, written communication helps to reduce mental/emotional labor for both parties and invites in more possibilities for satisfying solutions.
When everyone has the time and space to think, feel, and self-regulate, they can become available to choose who they want to be in response to a message, and in service of their true intentions and goals. This allows for our “best selves” to shine through and gives us access to opportunities and creative ideas that are simply not available in moments where we are caught-on-the-spot in habitual or negative inter-personal dynamics, thought patterns and emotions. More on this over here.
The potential for miscommunication can be minimized with careful, thoughtful writing. Unlike spoken words, written communication also allows for editing and revision, ensuring that the message is coming from a positive place and is clearly expressed before sending.
The spaciousness of writing can have a mystical way of alleviating misunderstanding and soothing conflicts.
Whether or not a disagreement intensifies into disconnection is always up to the communicators: their self-awareness, empathy and intention, not the medium. Whether writing or speaking, if people want to come to a resolution, both parties need bring the essential ingredients of moving slowly, asking questions, operating out of good faith and looking for the best in the other person.
“Verbal communication is more efficient”
Yes, technically, words leave our mouths faster than they leave our fingertips, though that doesn’t necessarily mean the communication was effective and accurate. Though non-verbal cues in spoken conversation can be very useful in conveying feelings, implications, and undertones, does that actually make it “more efficient” to get a point across to your conversation partner without misinterpretation?
Spoken words and agreements, unless recorded or transcribed, rely solely on memory in order to be referenced later. Memory is both changeable and fickle, especially where a misunderstanding, potential grievance or breach of agreement is concerned. Therefore, when trying to resolve a dispute or revisit previous negotiations, only written documentation can provide a correct, objective record of events that can be updated over time with new information.
Even with AI, spoken conversations are much more tedious to record, transcribe, and turn into practical information. Meeting, then preparing meeting notes and action items after every exchange adds another time-consuming step that may or may not prove useful, as spoken communication can easily veer into off-topic discussions or unclear conclusions.
Documentation truly maximizes efficiency
Project documentation has saved my sanity and time in more instances than I could count! When tasks and deadlines are put in writing, there is a clear, tangible reference that can be revisited. Written records are easy to refer back to, which is crucial for projects with any time container. Keeping documentation provides “Future Everyone” a clear trail of decisions, agreements, and action items, making it easier to track progress and hold parties accountable, which is absolutely essential to make informed decisions and complete tasks as a project manager or collaborator.
Unless deleted or erased, written communications can be transparently and materially cross-referenced, as opposed to spoken communications that can be easily be forgotten, ignored, or denied. Generally, writing out ideas leads to more concise and complete sentence structures as well, which reduces back-and-forth for quicker resolutions.
Accessibility is also a key to efficiency in collaborative projects. When project resources such as educational information, protocols, lists of requirements, tasks, etc are kept on hand and can be accessed easily by all collaborators, this eliminates all kinds of repetitive explaining or reiterating that can be common when conveying information to groups of people over time. This removes the need to remind and manage collaborators as well, which makes the process of working together generally more enjoyable, and therefore more likely to be completed on time.
If you’re not used to writing things down and using a task board, database, or even just a note-taking app – yeah, this is going to feel extremely tedious at first. But trust: once you stop carrying things around in your brain (and inevitably forgetting them) and start putting them somewhere safe and organized, it makes a world of difference in your collaborations and general mental state when approaching tasks and other day-to-day admin.
How do little tasks become big visions in the most intuitive and effective ways? How can intention, pleasure, and desire help us “make it happen” without force? When we write our words, do we deepen their meaning? What if every word, every task, were spells crafted by a creative genius? Can the project outlines we set serve as a container and mirror, a greenhouse of self-discovery and self-actualization?
Engaging with, sharing and maintaining a common written history of project communications, happenings and landmarks is truly an exercise in self-care, care for others, and care for the creation at hand. It is immensely freeing, much more efficient, and is layered with enchantments to promote understanding, mutual protection in case of disagreement, and consistent progress for all collaborators.
Disclaimer: it’s not an “either/or” – it’s a “both/and”
While yes, I just ran through the gamut attempting to explain why written communication is infinitely useful, this article is not intended to say that written communication is “better” than spoken communication.
The world of remote work
Everything I’m saying here about written communication is really not “news” in the world of remote work. While remote work has certainly expanded in popularity since the pandemic, companies all over the world were accomplishing interesting, important projects completely remotely years before. Oftentimes, due to various timezone and language barriers, colleagues rarely or never actually speak to each other in real time. In my web agency, I never saw working remotely as a barrier, and purposefully organized my business in this way because to me it provided freedom.
When we first started getting busy with clients, I was always ready to hop on a discovery call or a video meeting, even at odd hours. With every new project, I delighted in honing my skills and expertise as a contractor and manager: understanding my client’s desires and pain points, drawing up proposals, providing detailed, itemized tasks, and delivering value. Over time, however, video calls became something that kept me tethered to the clock, interrupted my workflow, and didn’t provide the necessary foundation for collaborative project execution (more on that here).
Meeting needs and finding freedom
Everyone has different ways of working: on tasks, through problems, with others. There’s no “right” way to do things – there’s only the way that works for you. It can be an intriguing process of discovery as an individual, and as an individual within a group, to understand one’s own inner-ecology and explore how our individuality makes the group “whole.”
With its unique ability to preserve, clarify, and enhance the collaborative efforts of humans, written communication offers a powerful counterbalance to spoken exchanges, especially in remote settings. By embracing writing as an equal, and oftentimes preferable medium in collaborative projects, we can foster accountability, reduce emotional labor, and ultimately build stronger, more resilient working relationships.
Written words lend themselves to efficiency, creativity, and the freedom to work with intention, transforming how we connect and get things done. For anyone navigating business or remote work, this mindful integration of written and spoken communication could be the key to both personal satisfaction and professional success. Written records provide a magical account of what humans are capable of, the things we can create together. They are a testament to our ability to strike a chord, inspire resonance, and uplift each other in perpetuity through the exchange of information.
Dear Reader…
How do you relate to the world of online and remote work?
How does writing play a role in your success or struggles?
What do you prefer to write, and what do you prefer to speak?
What tools or processes do you use to write and share your words?
If it’s in your pleasure, please comment below!
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