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Growing a remote business
The very nature of running my remote business required that I get deeply in touch with my needs and inner workings, in order to sustain and enjoy the freedoms it afforded me. Working online means dealing with frustrating technical bugs, finding grace in sometimes long and difficult text and email exchanges, being open to a constant flow of new developments, and navigating a healthy relationship with a digital ecosystem that is designed to vampirically absorb human attention. As a nomad, I continue to discover what kinds of environments and inputs support my workflow and being, learning what my real necessities are and how to carry them with me everywhere. My life experience, and the life experience of all of the smart, helpful people that were kind enough to share (much of it on the great library of the Internet) inform how I can “be” in my business, and how I can “be” in my integrity.
Asynchronous communication as a catalyst
This internal clarity then extended out into my network of professional relationships. Working remote, I needed to wield both tools of spoken and written communication with skill and dexterity. This is especially important when working asynchronously: being in incompatible timezones usually means live chats and calls are unavailable, and therefore relies on written communication, requiring deeper intention, focus and clarity to provide efficient results. Many companies still require employees to work within their timezone, simply because there is a steep learning curve to managing projects across the globe without the ability to “check in” at any moment. I, however, love a challenge, and found that the writing required in an asynchronous workflow fosters deep presence, self-regulation, and autonomy – and ultimately, freedom.
Asynchronous communication was truly a huge catalyst in my both my productivity and personal growth. Before I sent messages, I learned to anticipate the needs of the receiver beforehand – how can I be sure they have everything they could possibly need from me, so the ball is fully “in their court,” so to speak? How can I be one step ahead, and give them tangible items to keep the project moving forward smoothly? How can I delight someone today by having that extra little bit ready for them, like magic? What happens if I make something boring feel fun?
When I received messages, I had time to reflect and observe my reactions before actually needing to respond. This allowed me to test out solutions and notice opportunities; it also allowed me to find grace and curiosity in the face of problems or negative perspectives, both of which aren’t always available when having a conversation “in real time.” All of this regulation I learned to do by myself, and on my own time, building up a strong practice of internal understanding before stepping out into the shared territory of conversation. Running a business is a lot of work, yes, but it’s also a lot of emotional work. Being an entrepreneur, ideally you enjoy or at least want to do the inner development stuff, because it’s what allows you to show up as a better professional and collaborator every day, growing with and through your business. If you can’t grow as a person, neither will your business.
Not everyone works that way
As I worked with more and more clients, sometimes people would tell me writing is not the most effective way to handle some types of situations. This usually came up when a misunderstanding arose, or when there was a need to break out a new plan of action. It happened on more than one occasion that as soon as a bit of tension, confusion or even just an open-ended question “entered the chat,” a client would immediately jump to ask for live call – meanwhile the relevant information that was plainly spelled out in my text and email was somehow overlooked, misconstrued, or ignored altogether.
Defining or getting to the bottom of something, working through conflict or miscommunication… I spent a long time in my business doing it all live because that’s what people told me was the “right way” to handle it (which, personally, I don’t think is true!). Though over time, I found that my clarity or sense of calm within these exchanges was actually the foundation the other person needed in order to calm or stabilize themselves (or maintain a sense of control) when discussing the topic at hand. While there are certainly times where spoken communication is more helpful in getting a point across, relying on it in order to move through difficult conversations can mask a coping mechanism for managing challenging emotions.
The power of social cues in social cohesion
The social cues that are built-in to spoken communication have a powerfully influential effect on how we feel in a conversation – they act as a sort of collaborative conductor of the energy in any exchange. When we communicate without these cues (such as when reading or writing), if we are unable to self-regulate when experiencing negative or uncomfortable feelings, we may learn that the “best” way of resolving something sticky is to do it “in person,” where we can make use of this collaborative effect in order to find our way through our own “sh*t.” Now, this doesn’t always go well, but if our conversation partner is patient and has enough good faith for both parties, this can work out just fine.
As you might guess, this kind of approach can also sometimes place an unwanted burden on our conversation partner. Some might recognize this sneaky form of effort I needed to make as “emotional labor.” In using my energy to ground themselves, my clients were able to move through topics they found challenging, which isn’t necessarily a positive or negative thing. What I can say from experience is that while effective in the short term, if used repeatedly in the long term, it has the potential to develop into a sort of dependency where one individual takes responsibility for maintaining emotional cadence within a dynamic. In a project setting, where there are not only emotions but also tasks to manage, this can take a toll over time on the health of the professional relationship.
Practicing presence in written communication
As opposed to speaking, where we constantly processing and conveying non-verbal cues and emotions, what’s amazing about written, asynchronous communication like text and email is that in both states of receiving and dispatching information, we are given the opportunity to be completely present to ourselves first as individuals. This is especially important in perplexing or knotty situations. Instead of placing our attention on the other person’s apparent intentions, thoughts and feelings via their words or indirect social cues, we can practice tapping more acutely into our own experience at any given moment.
Sure, when we receive a message, we absorb someone else’s words. And when we go to reply, we consider the other person in our response. However, the distance in space and time inherent to written communication like text and email can provide a spaciousness to interact with the words as they are in their truest sense: neutral symbols that simply reflect our internal experience back to us. In this spaciousness, we get a chance to notice where we are attaching our own subjective interpretations to the words, and what feelings, stories or sensations this creates – revealing the truth of our needs, desires, and personal motives.
In strengthening our own internal communication, we rely less on external forces to guide our internal experience of a conversation, which fortifies and frees us up to offer genuine, lucid presence to our conversation partner. This is what ultimately allows people to communicate with clarity, holding and navigating difficult emotions and conversations with more ease, whether written or spoken.
Being the master of our internal experience, regardless of what’s happening “outside” is the key to deepening self-awareness, resilience, and personal power – all of which is a pre-requisite to cultivating authentic social connection, and getting meaningful sh*t done.
That being said, it’s my personal opinion that written communication is oftentimes much more useful in collaborative project settings where multiple parties want to connect with their cohorts and accomplish a goal in tandem – but there’s more on that here.
Experiment: Use text and email as an act of self-exploration or meditative practice
You can do this same thing when talking to people, though the pace of exchange tends to move a lot quicker – which isn’t always as helpful if the objective is to slow down and observe.
Here are some things you might contemplate in your reflection:
Noticing a “negative” reaction to a text or email
If you read something that brings up thoughts or emotions that could be considered “negative,” such as anger, sadness, or fear:
- Can you get curious about where those are coming from?
- Can you be present to whatever discomfort you’re feeling, even physically, and welcome it?
- What is it here to teach you?
- Is it possible you might be “reading into” the words? What is the “bare minimum” you can assert to be true, based on what is written?
- How can you verify with the person you’re communicating with that what you understood is what they meant?
- What can you do to clarify your own understanding and interpretation, before responding?
In any exchange, even if the person does have “bad” intentions in what they say, when used consciously, you can still uncover medicine and new self-awareness. If you believe it’s “easier” to misunderstand writing, maybe it’s worth looking at the lenses you read through, and seeing what can be done to bring more peace, love, etc into the picture to help clarify. Where are you creating a story of disconnection? How can you simultaneously honor your truth and a bigger understanding of unity?
Noticing a neutral or confusing reaction to a text or email
Alternatively, if you read something that brings up confusion, doubt, or doesn’t quite sit right, what do you notice about that?
- What information would you need to feel confident?
- What would the ideal situation look like for you?
- What desires, needs or ideas does this illuminate for you?
Noticing a “positive” reaction to a text or email
And, when you have an exchange that feels particularly delightful…
- What is it exactly that tickles your fancy so?
- Is it the word choice, the idea, or a vision it gives you?
- What physical sensations or emotional notes can you savor?
- What does that tell you about your desires and what you can grow more of in your life?
Words as a window to the self
Both written and spoken communication can be used as tools, allowing us to conduct an an exploration of how we can use our energy to communicate as individuals and as collaborators – and how the medium of communication shapes our experience in those different contexts.
Can you master your energy and internal experience alone, and with others, both in speaking and in writing? These opposites are complementary reflections of each other, and need each other to exist. It takes intentional awareness no matter where you’re working; to strengthen one is to strengthen the other.
Using written communication as a meditative practice of cultivating presence has been essential in my journey as a person and as a business owner. It can absolutely transform workflows and interpersonal dynamics for the better, offering flexibility and a foundation of clarity through healthier communication, self-understanding, and deeper resilience.
Dear Reader…
How has your work influenced your growth as a person?
How does writing help you develop a deeper connection to yourself, or others?
What do you notice about your experience in spoken and written conversation?
Have you ever used text and email as a meditative practice? To what result?
If it’s in your pleasure, please comment below!
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