I worked my 🍑 off for peanuts

I worked my 🍑 off for peanuts
I did everything right
I did all the inner healing
I gave life all of my might

I took care of my clients
Nourished my creative soul
I ate healthy foods
I made healthy goals

I honored the land
I honored my mother
I blessed all the spirits
Gave grace like no other

I did money meditations
Said thank you to blunders
Swamped deep dark emotions
Turned waste into wonders

I found the biggest love grow
Through the hardest betrayals
Had juice fasts and buffets
Ate cookies and kales

I practiced alignment
I stopped, dropped and listened
I took care of my body
Followed my intuition

I made a real effort
I put my time in
I wrestled and relaxed
Through thick and through thin

The light and the dark
Became sweet friends of mine
Fears of myself or the world
Stopped dimming my shine

Yes it’s true we create from the inside out
I have known this since childhood without any doubt
And although I’m a 🦆ing spider witch with powers abound
When I listen for trumpets
I don’t hear a sound

Now don’t get me wrong
My whole life is enriched
But I don’t see the effects
All these gurus have pitched

Yes somehow I’m here
with nothing to show
No business, no prospects
Just go with the flow

In fact, I dance here
in a puddle of debt
I’m sure many “experts”
Could rectify that

They’d tell me to practice
To go within or be strong
They’d give me somatic body work
Or say where I went wrong

But after all of this toilage
You won’t fool me twice
I don’t need more opinions
Or expert advice

While yes my reality is simply a mirror
All of this spiritual work has helped me see clearer
We’re all on our own path and timeline you see
And what works well for you…
Just might not work for me.

Just because I did the work
Doesn’t mean I get the prize
The universe is made of math
but it’s not mine to quantize

Who is this human to say,
“My life sure looks dour”
“I followed the teachings”
“Now give me my flowers”

Because at the end of the day
That’s not how life works
We’re all made of consciousness
Which is made up of quirks

Life doesn’t “be fair”
like my brain says it should
brains call things all names
though there’s no “bad” or “good”

As within, so without
I believe that’s a truth
But our world is complex
Can’t use outcomes as proof

So I’m trusting my life
And the steps that I’ve taken
All the highs and the lows
Even when my heart’s breaking

And that has to be okay:
To not really know why.
I release any 🦆ing clue
of what person am I.

I still don’t know the reason
why I’m on this weird journey
Why I’ve done all this work
With no shiny earnings

Just a 🦆ton of “wisdom”
And experiences and 💩
Nothing of value
In a culture of grit

No followers or fame
No sailboats or checks
So I guess I’ll just share
And ignore what I get

So here you go reader
Take a peanut and eat it
Life’s but a dream
And help’s there when you need it